I want my suffering to be over, so either I die, or get better.
So far I haven’t been getting better.
It’s 6:56 pm. Is it too early to force myself to fall asleep for the night so I can get away from my brain?
This summer has been hell
I’m always the one to say good morning, ask how someone’s doing, ask them if they’re okay, ask them if I can help with anything, always asking, always ready to be there.
My capacity to care for someone is beyond what you can comprehend.
My patience with people who have hurt me is more enduring than it should be.
My ability to excuse someone’s lack of effort in a situation is getting out of hand.
On the rare occasion people do ask me how I’m doing, I’ve made it into a habit to just say “good,” and leave it at that because I am convinced that they don’t really care, and that they’re just asking to be polite, so I shut down conversation about me as fast as possible & direct it back to about them.
If people who supposedly loved me, or those who chose to be with me didn’t care about me, then there’s no way others want to hear what I have to say. It’s always the same. After meeting me, peoples’ “best behavior mode” disappears & I don’t get a “good morning” or “hope your day is good, too” back.
- albicant: whitish; becoming white
- amaranthine: immortal; undying; deep purple-red colour
- aubergine: eggplant; a dark purple colour
- azure: light or sky blue; the heraldic colour blue
- celadon: pale green; pale green glazed pottery
- cerulean: sky-blue; dark blue; sea-green
- chartreuse: yellow-green colour
- cinnabar: red crystalline mercuric sulfide pigment; deep red or scarlet colour
- citrine: dark greenish-yellow
- eburnean: of or like ivory; ivory-coloured
- erythraean: reddish colour
- flavescent: yellowish or turning yellow
- greige: of a grey-beige colour
- haematic: blood coloured
- heliotrope: purplish hue; purplish-flowered plant; ancient sundial; signalling mirror
- hoary: pale silver-grey colour; grey with age
- isabelline: greyish yellow
- jacinthe: orange colour
- kermes: brilliant red colour; a red dye derived from insects
- lovat: grey-green; blue-green
- madder: red dye made from brazil wood; a reddish or red-orange colour
- mauve: light bluish purple
- mazarine: rich blue or reddish-blue colour
- russet: reddish brown
- sable: black; dark; of a black colour in heraldry
- saffron: orange-yellow
- sarcoline: flesh-coloured
- smaragdine: emerald green
- tilleul: pale yellowish-green
- titian: red-gold, reddish brown
- vermilion: bright red
- virid: green
- viridian: chrome green
- xanthic: yellow
- zinnober: chrome green